National Infertility Week- SEEK

April has been one of the best months this year, but by far the busiest as well!
-Attended the Texas Librarian Association Conference in Dallas where I also presented at poster session and was on a panel session.
-Took a Destination ImagiNation team to State! So proud of the Nerdy Birdys!
-Took my Girl Scout Troop on their first real camping trip! We were missing a few girls, but it was still an awesome weekend and I can't wait to camp more!
-Hosted the first Uke Can Do It Performance with the ukulele club.
-Attended and volunteered at the North Texas Teen Book Festival.

My word this year is Seek.  I wrote about it here and I talked about seeking time for myself and doing the things that I enjoy doing. Now, April was a busy month.. and I was probably cranky.. but it was so awesome!

During a week in April is also National Infertility Week.  I blog about our trials every year and you can find past blogs here, here, and here.

When my husband and I married in 2005, I knew that we might have problems starting a family.  I have PCOS, and my husband is older.  When you are on a infertility journey it is not just about one person... and it is not just about bodily functions.  An infertility journey can easily encompass your whole life and being.  We went to doctors, I took medicine, gave myself shots, and went to more doctors.  During all of the years of trying, I would watch my friends get pregnant and start their own families and be heartbroken.  Not because I was upset that they had started their own family, but because I didn't ever know if I was going to have the chance for my own family. 

We have not been actively trying for over 2 years.  I won't lie, mother's day is rough.  I go through other down times (I am a human)  In keeping my word of the year in mind, I have really worked hard at SEEKing things that make me happy.  That is why my April was so full.

Not only was April full, but it was full of finding my own fulfillment and happiness. 

Although I will never be biological mother.. I have to take a moment to share about my Girl Scout Troop.  3 years ago, I became a leader to a 3rd generation Girl Scout Troop.  My girls started out as Daisies and they are currently Brownies.

I am so very grateful that these moms have trusted me in leading these girls.  I can't even begin to explain how happy they make my heart (even if sometimes our meetings get a little loud)  I share this on my infertility blog, for many reasons.  My journey has not taken me on the path that I thought it would.  Camping this week was something that I thought I would have done with my own child.  If life had gone as I had planned (which you know it is not supposed to!) I would have had a child about the age of these girls.  I LOVED camping with them so much and having those experiences with them.  From hiking to campfires to singing songs... this troop is such a big part of my life.  I won't lie.. there were a few times that I had to take a few deep breaths when I thought about that it was not my own child having these experiences.  This Girl Scout Troop is allowing me to directly work with a group of girls that I already see growing into strong young women.  They started in kindergarten and are already in 2nd and 3rd grade!

For all of those out there on an infertility journey.. I know it isn't easy, I know there are going to be times where you just want to break down and cry, and I know that there are times when you smile ear to ear and your heart is happy because you are creating your own path.  I am thankful that I have surrounded myself with a wonderful loving husband that understands that I need to find a way to be involved with experiences that will give me fulfillment.  I am surrounded with amazing families that have allowed me into their lives not only in Girl Scouts but with all the school families. I have also surrounded myself with amazing friends who are always willing to listen. I also have learned to give myself some slack to grieve when I need to. 

Whatever journey you are on, remember.. you are not lost.. you are just seeking your own fulfillment. To those that have not had to worry about infertility, you have probably come in contact with someone who has.  Give them an extra smile or a hug if you can, it can be rough.

Thank you to all that have made my own infertility journey better by allowing me to be a part of your lives.