I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). When my husband and I first got married we tried for about 10 years to start a family. This was through medication, doctor appointments, shots, and more. Our funding could never cover IVF. Once we realized our journey was not going to include children of our own, I had to find other ways to have the same "experiences" that a parent might have. 6 years ago I was able to help Girl Scout Troop 1810 start a 3rd generation troop.
Last year I wrote about how I wanted experiences as a parent. Experiences that might include going on vacations together, watching your child grow up, experiencing new things, attending after-school activities, participating in events, and more. As I think about the experiences that I want, I am so thankful to have people in my life that allow me to have these kinds of experiences. This year I had the adventure of taking one of my troops to New York and bridging on the Brooklyn Bridge. I had another adventure of taking one of my troops to Canyon, Texas (my hometown)
I would not change either of these experiences for anything, but it was not lost on me how important my trip to Canyon was. I will never have the opportunity to take my own child to visit my hometown. I will never have the opportunity to have my children meet my parents and see where I grew up. What I did have though- was a troop that was ready to go on an adventure! We had an amazing time (you can read about it here) But the part that hit me the hardest was the first night there. I grew up in the country with lots of acres of land. My parents invited the troop out for stargazing. My parents made homemade ice cream, and we laid blankets out in the field and watched the stars. I am so thankful for my troop that gave me that core memory of experiences that I might not have had otherwise. I will never have this opportunity with my own child, but thanks to my troop I was able to have it with over 15 girls and moms.
My last blog was called Experiences- and I have had many... this blog is called Impact.
Sometimes I get teary-eyed when I think about some of the experiences that I won't have, but I also get teary-eyed thinking about the impact I am making. Parents have a huge impact on how children grow up and access the world and ideas. I am so thankful for the different organizations that I am with that are impacting my local community and beyond. My 6458 Troop earned their Silver Award by hosting a whole Mental Health workshop for teens (and building a website) One of my Destination ImagiNation teams built a website and learned how to create switch-activated toys. One of my Destination ImagiNation teams learned about Project PASS which is part of our district that works with students that are displaced or homeless. They did a whole coat drive. Part of my 1810 troop is also starting their Silver Award and are talking about how to help students with phone addiction (this is only a small list of the change these kids are making!)
There are times when I get super sad as I walk through the children's section at a store. I still have a hard time going to baby showers. I get in my feels on Mother's Day (I am human) There are other times that I get super sad about the things I am not going to be able to have or to be able to do.
There are other times when I look around and I get in my feels for the things I am able to do. I might not have a child of my own walk across a stage at graduation.. but in the meantime, I will take senior photos for seniors and watch my Nerdy Birdys cross the stage in June. I might not have a child get an award at an end of the year function, but I have amazing parents that invite me to theirs.
If you have friends that are working through their own infertility journies- just know that some days it is really.. really.. really tough. I am so very thankful for all the friends and parents that invite me into the lives of their own children so I can have experiences and hopefully continue to make an impact.
To those that are going through any form of infertility- know that I see you.. and I wish you luck on wherever you are in the journye.
